Most people are aware on some level that body language speaks louder than words, But did you know the eyes speak the loudest of all? There’s an old saying that says ‘the eyes are a reflection of your inner self’ and for the most part it’s true. For instance if you’re feeling angry, you can probably keep your body looking relaxed if you want to, but it’s harder to keep the fire out of your eyes.

It’s essential to remember that our eyes speak volumes about us and it’s an important part of how we connect with customers. Here are some of the things eye contact says about you:

• Having good eye contact is a sign that you’re also a good listener. Eye contact shows that you are focused on the customer and paying attention. It means that you are actually listening to what they have to say. Halleluiah!
• Avoiding eye contact says you either are not comfortable, don’t want to talk to someone or even that you don’t like them.  Even if that is not what you are communicating with the words coming out of your mouth, it’s easy for someone to read you wrong and feel disrespected when you have a blank look on your face.
• A big part of working with customers is building trust and there is no better building block than eye contact.  Eye contact signifies open communication. Customers are more likely to see you as an expert and trust your advice when you look them in the eye.

Sadly, according to an article by Sue Shellenbarger in the Wall Street Journal http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424127887324809804578511290822228174  we are losing our natural instinct to look people in the eye when we are with them. Adults make eye contact 30-60% of the time during conversation. Though that might not sound so bad, the fact is we should be making eye contact 60-70% of the time if we want to make any kind of emotional connection.  One of the biggest culprits in this decline is the addictive lure of checking of your smart phone. Amongst 20-somethings it’s become almost acceptable to check your cell phone while out to dinner.  But make no bones about it this is rude. Also on the bad manners list is glancing down to look at your new text, Facebook feed or check the score of this week’s big game.

Thankfully there’s good news if you’ve fallen out of the habit of ‘speaking with your eyes’ or if it’s just something that you find rather uncomfortable – there are things you can do to improve your eye contact.

• Practice where you feel safe – for instance make a point of looking briefly into the eyes of your family or friends when you are with them or dare a fleeting glance at that cute stranger walking down the street. Even better…say ‘Hi.’
• Pay attention – notice when you are falling back into the habit of looking away and remind yourself to make eye contact.
• Nervous? – If you’re really freaked out at the idea of looking at someone’s eyes, look near their eyes instead, the bridge of the nose or forehead work pretty well for this until you feel more comfortable.