Sadly, there is no shortage of rude co-workers these days. But do you know who is the most-complained about co-worker? It’s not the one who eats the stinky lunch or is constantly checking their cell phone. Overwhelmingly the most despised person in the workplace is Ms. or Mr. Passive/Aggressive.
Passive/Aggressive people are the most obnoxious and vexing people at work. On their worst days they are negative, juvenile, sullen and resentful. They procrastinate ‘forgetting’ to do things, or are inefficient and tend to offer lame excuses for not getting their job done.
Sometimes this insolent attitude can even be directed toward customers. I once worked with a girl who took an order from a customer and wrote a derogatory word next to the customer’s name before posting it on the order board. A seriously unkind and immature gesture, it upset the entire staff.
Just one co-worker like this can create an environment of mistrust and frustration. Their behavior may be anything from a passive-aggressive post it note, bad mouthing someone who isn’t in the room and back-handed compliments to something as destructive as sabotage. A common grievance is that this person needs to be ‘baby-sat’ for fear of holding back the entire team. The truth is one bad apple can spoil the whole bunch and this person can bring down the whole team.
Exasperatingly, complaining to management will do you no good. You will end up sounding like the one who has an axe to grind. So how do you deal with someone like this in you midst? Well, it isn’t easy, and it doesn’t always work, but here are some suggestions that may help:
Logic is your best friend – Sinking to their level isn’t the smart or adult thing to do. When working with or speaking about this person constantly remind yourself to stay professional, mature and honest. You many even get bonus points for exhibiting leadership qualities. Success is after all, the best revenge!
Ignore the snarky-ness – As hard as it may be, you need to keep an unruffled, cool head. Getting worked up over someone’s refusal to take responsibility or their derogatory attitude isn’t going to help your case. Your best bet is to detach yourself emotionally from the situation and see things for what they really are; a coping mechanism for someone lacking self-confidence.
Be the change you want to see in others – Go old-school. If you want a more positive atmosphere, you are going to have to be the one to take the first step to change things. The next time you notice Ms. Passive Aggressive struggling with something or feel her/his bad attitude brewing, instead of working up a good head of steam or gnashing your teeth over it, ask them if you can work together to get things done. If this sounds suspiciously like the conflict resolutions you learned in school…it is and it still works.
Don’t give up hope too soon – Most passive/aggressive people have been that way for a long time and they are not going to change overnight. You’ll likely get more than your fill of “I’m fine’ or ‘Whatever’s’ but don’t be tempted rag on this person for rejecting your help, but do speak up in a non-threatening way when you have a problem and continue to offer your assistance. After a while it will register that you not trying to tell them they are doing a bad job, but trying to help them succeed.