Have you ever gotten into a spat with your spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend because ‘they never listen to you’ Argh! It is so frustrating to tell someone something once…or several times only for them to later say ‘you never told me about that.’  Or can you remember a time when you’ve been stuck in a long conversation where the other person talked at you the whole time, never once asking you about…well anything?  Have you ever done it to someone else?
Poor communication on the job can lead to more mistakes, misunderstandings and feelings of mistrust and resentment. While good communication makes for a more productive, smooth-flowing and happier work environment. Excellent communication at work (and at home) begins with us. Yep – I mean YOU! We all have the choice to have a 2 way exchange of information or slam the door in someone’s face.  Do you want to spend your time flapping your gums or gaining insight? Ask yourself do you talk more or listen more?
Here’s the truth – Communication isn’t about talking. It’s about exchanging information.  In fact 90% of communication skills are non-verbal. And good news! It is entirely possible to improve your communication skills in fact you should never stop working on these abilities.
Listen more than you talk – This can take a lot of self-discipline. As a society we are often uncomfortable with silence and feel the need to ‘fill the gaps’ in conversations. It’s important to keep in mind that your goal is to fully understand and connect with the other person. Here’s how:
1. Focus fully on the speaker – If you’re day-dreaming or checking your phone you are certain to miss nonverbal clues in the conversation.
2. Don’t interrupt – Listening is not the same as waiting for your turn to talk. People can read your facial expressions and know when your mind is somewhere else…Don’t be the person who says ‘you never told me that’.
3. Be interested –Keep an open body position. Show you are paying attention by smiling, nodding and adding the occasional o.k., yes or um-hmm.
Learn to read body talk – Body language including facial expression, gestures, posture, eye-contact, how relaxed or tense you are and the tone of your voice tell people more about you than words ever could. Here’s how you can improve reading body language:
1. Become a people watcher – It’s really pretty fun. Observe how people interact with each other in public places like the mall, airport or coffee shop. Notice how they act and react to each other. Try to guess what their relationship is, what they are talking about and how they feel about what is being said.
2. Group clues together – Don’t make the mistake of putting too much weight into what a single gesture says. Consider all the non-verbal clues you receive from tone of voice to facial expressions and body position. And remember that body language can vary from culture to culture. This way you are much less likely to misread a situation.
Don’t stress – You can’t communicate effectively when you’re all hot under the collar.  When emotions start to run high you can’t always take time to walk it off or meditate, such as when you are dealing with an upset customer. Learn to reduce stress and calm yourself on the spot:
1. Know the signs – Learn to recognize when you are starting to stress before you lose control of your emotions. Are your fists clenched? Breathing shallow or are you forgetting to breath? Is your stomach in a knot?
2. Take a few cleansing breaths – slow deep breathing will help you feel instantly calmer.
3. Become an observer – Step outside yourself and view this situation as a 3rd person observer would see it.
4. Look for humor in the situation – humor is a great way to ‘break up’ a bad mood or tense situation. When you feel things getting a bit heavy use a little light-hearted humor to nip it in the bud.
5. Know when to fold ‘em – If necessary, get your manager involved and remove yourself calmly before a tense situation gets ugly. You are there to solve customer’s problems – not ‘win’ arguments.